


Taco Bell, Garbage Men, and the Coolest Guy in School

by microphoneMessiah



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collegestuck, Drugs, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-03 07:23:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/378806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/microphoneMessiah/pseuds/microphoneMessiah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things suck for Travis. Thank goodness there's a bro with a blunt to help him out.</p><p>Alternatively titled, "Chalupas and Boners: The title just got better"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taco Bell, Garbage Men, and the Coolest Guy in School

I had never been keen on smoking or, really, just doing any drugs in general. I mean, sure, I had tried a few times my first couple of years in college, but who doesn’t? I don’t know, it never really went well. I tried, uh, ‘puffing the magic dragon’ once with my ex-girlfriend, the first time I tried it, and it didn’t really. Well. It was horrible.

Firstly, I coughed a lot. Something about inhale/exhale just went really really bad. So, after hacking up one of my lungs for a good few minutes, I finally settled into it. And, it was pretty bad. I don’t know if it was the weed, or if it was because she lost whatever kindness filter she maintained around me, calling me names and shoving me into a wall (nearly breaking my prosthetics), but it was just not very enjoyable in the very least sense of that word. Not to mention the fact that she managed to convince me that the villain in this movie we we’re watching was actually her next door neighbor and that he was going to kill us both. With a screwdriver.

Shut up, um, please?

The next couple of times I tried it, it didn’t go much better. Once, the smoke set the fire alarm off and I lost a good toaster. (Rest in peace wherever your body may lie; which, I assume, is in a garbage dump, but will, for the sake of this thought, pretend that you are in some toaster heaven with all the bread you can hold.) Another time, I was convinced that, yes, I could fly.

I think you can get the picture from that one without me reliving the memory…

The idea that you should be getting, is that weed and I don’t really mix. At all. So, naturally I try to avoid it as best as I can. Like, I have run away from people offering it to me. What? That’s not the best way to handle it? Oh. Um.

A little while after taking my own personal pledge to say drug-free, like in elementary school, I met Gavin.

Gavin is. Well. Gavin is really unique and, uh, eccentric. And he also gets stoned all the time. No, really. He’s usually pretty high when I meet up with him, but he says it’s because I wouldn’t like him when he’s sober. I don’t know. I don’t mind him being high (he doesn’t pester me about it, though he’s asked if I wanted a hit once or twice), but it would be kinda interesting to seem him normally, I think.

Maybe I shouldn’t have put that other stuff in parentheses? It’s pretty crucial to the story. Actually, it’s basically the base for the whole story, so just pretend there is a semicolon there! Okay.

Like I said in that above part, Gavin sometimes offers a bit of his weed to me. Not sure if it’s just a peace offering or something he does since he says I always look on edge, which isn’t true at all, but whatever. I’ve never really considered accepting his offer, mostly due to the pledge, but also because he’s really cool. And I know that that sounds like a dumb reason to say ‘no’, but Gavin is actually one of the coolest people I know. We’re college seniors, so he decided to live off campus, but literally like everyone knows him.

And I’m, well, I am a 20-something nobody without legs. I'm pretty sure if I got high near him, I would cry. Yeah. I don’t exactly, um, radiate cool. 

Which, is probably why I was so amazed that he ever even talked to me. Well, technically he hit on me at this one party after doing shots with a blonde guy in shades, a guy wearing old school 3D glasses, and this angry looking short guy with scruffy hair. He had just walked up to me and said something like:

“Ey, motherfucker. Are you a can of Faygo? ‘Cause I wanna crack your legs open and drink the miracle elixir. Honk.”

His friends burst out laughing and the angry guy pulled him away (how I found out the angry guy was short) while muttering some kind of apology. Nothing else happened after that, thank goodness, but I could feel Gavin watching me as I danced with my rp friend, Netta. The whole thing was really awkward. I didn’t, um, have real… Hm.

Fast forward time and we end up talking in a chem class we shared together (ha, we shared chemistry. Oh, sorry if that wasn’t funny…) before basically becoming the best bros in brohistory. I guess it kinda makes sense how, I mean, we both like to rap and play video games, so it just went from there. Eventually I was in his apartment (that I learned he shared with his angry friend that I also later learned was named Kardal) just about every day and we’d just talk and hang out. And, as I said earlier, he got high and would sometimes offer me weed. Okay, so I know I’ve said that a few times, but this is where it actually gets important.

I failed about half of my midterms. And not like, by a few points, but like, I only got a few points right on each. This is due to the fact that I was up late that night, and well into the morning, watching this show about teens who get superpowers. It’s such a good show, ugh, I couldn’t stop watching it! But, that lead to me falling asleep in my first class that morning. And the one after that. And after that.

Basically, I screwed my grade over so bad, I was pretty sure I was going to fail out of college.

So, I naturally ran over to Gavin’s to cheer myself up a bit. Because, oh God, I was going to fail out of college and become a garbage man. And I would never have a big house. And my prosthetics would get caught on the cruncher thing. And the cruncher thing would crunch me. And I would be dead.

I didn’t want to be dead. Er, don’t want to be dead. 

“Bro, calm the motherfuck down and slam a faygo up in this before you blow up or something.” Oh, great, something else I didn’t consider. Lighter fluid rolling underneath my truck and blowing me and a ton of garbage up simultaneously.

“Now you’re just being motherfucking stupid.” He says, voice a bit unamused since I had been ranting to him about all the ways I was going to die for probably the last few minutes. It was a pretty fair assessment.

“I’m just really stressed.” I reply, scratching at my mohawk nervously. “Sorry, I worked so hard to get here and my stupid, useless self had to go and mess the whole thing up.”

“You aren’t useless.” I’m surprised at how serious his tone and whole expression is; contrasting his generally cheery face and somewhat lucid usual state.

“I’m sorry-“

“Tav, stop motherfucking apologizing. You need to quit that shit real quick.” He snaps before rummaging around his room searching for something. It takes a moment before the realization sets in and he turns to me with a sad look. “Damn. Sorry, bro. I just need to take something real quick ‘cause my mood is way the fuck outta wack. Didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“It’s okay.” I say with a small, forced smile.

“But it’s not though. That was all kinds of uncool of me when it ain’t your fault that I’m mad.” I can’t see his face because he’s digging underneath his bed, but I can hear regret in his voice.

“It’s really fine, Gavin.” I reply back before realizing I’m awkwardly standing in the middle of his bedroom. “Do you, uh, need some help?”

He emerges from underneath his bed looking triumphant with a little clear, plastic baggy filled with green leaves.

Oh.

“I’m gonna do this shit real quick, okay? I’ll go in the bathroom since I know how much ol’ Mary Jane bothers you.” Gavin says as he starts heading for his bathroom. I stop him with an awkward grab at his shirt.

“I, um, wouldn’t mind it if you did it here.” And I’m nervous and unsure how to ask what I really want to ask.

Gavin seems to be trying to put it together himself. “You sure, motherfucker? It ain’t a problem for me if I go somewhere else; don’t wanna be making you all uncomfortable or sick or something.” I just nod at him and he sits straight down on the floor.

I have to say, and this probably sounds kinda creepy, but watching him get high was…mesmerizing. The smoke made these intricate, spiraling patterns towards the ceiling until they hit the top and just glided around the room. And his lips, I don’t know why I’m noticing this, but they make this effortless pout as he exhales the smoke. Huh, so you don’t exhale through the nose? Hm. Anyway, he just looks so relaxed and peaceful.

And, I really wanted to be like that right now. To not worry about grades or garbage truck related deaths, just to chill. I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, but I don’t regret it at all.

I sat down next to him, snatched the blunt out of his hands, and inhaled.

I might have coughed a bit, but it was probably the most confident thing I had ever done (813+ points for self-esteem, heh). After a few moments the chemicals kicked in in my system, and everything just felt different. I could feel everything, but it was diluted and slower, yet somehow sharper at the same time. Like, and Gavin told me this later, I rubbed my face on his carpet floor for a good five minutes just repeating how soft it was. 

Ugh, why am I such a dork?

Thinking about it now, that whole delayed thought process thing is probably what prompted me to act as stupidly as I did for the next few hours. My first major act of dumb, however, was kind of awesome.

I kissed him.

Well, I sort of finished rubbing my head (yeah, I’m not counting that as the first act of dumb because I like this one more) and sat up really fast. And then he was in front of me, all of the sudden, and I just landed on him. I was mortified for a second, and then he started kissing me back. I’m not sure if he realized that it was an accident, but I don’t really care. We just sat there making out on his floor until clothes were thrown and we were both in our boxers. He had his hands fisted in my hair and his lips were bleeding (haha, oops) and everything was really awesome. Like, I could taste how horny he was! Or maybe that was the weed talking… I don’t know, I had been holding his hips and grinding down onto him when he started talking.

“Trav.”

“Gavin, can this, uh, wait?” I was starting to lose my groove so I tried shushing him with my lips and grinding harder.

“Motherfuuuuck.” And his eyes slid shut as a moan tore itself from his lips. He clenched his fingers in my hair tighter and tugged as he slid his hips up. It kept going like that for awhile, with him eagerly meeting me and panting each time. “Wait. Wait, Trav.” He breathed out.

“Ugh, yes, Gavin?” And I slowed down a bit so he could actually talk.

“I’m motherfucking craving some Taco Bell right now.”

Nope, I am not kidding. Though, to be fair, I was starving too. He looked at me expectantly and so we left. Yes, I went to Taco Bell with a man dressed in clown make up while sporting a huge hard on and ordered a cheesy gordita crunch wrap supreme.

Really, please, shut up.

**Author's Note:**

> I was probably eating sugar when I wrote this. That sugar probably effected my critical processing skills. This probably could have been a lot more coherent then.
> 
> I could just be making excuses.
> 
> You might also wonder why Tav was, more or less, on top. The only way to answer that inquiry is with this face: >:D. Followed by this set of typed laughter: HOO HOO HOO


End file.
